where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
