Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Shame - the story of my life.
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