my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
