dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
