The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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