I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
