After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I believe in your delicious
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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