At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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