dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
