So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
