LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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