I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he thought i was a dude.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
