she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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