can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
