The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
