I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
