Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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