I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
