Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Is it penis luge time yet?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
