Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
