i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
