Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
