Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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