You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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