WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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