a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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