she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
