Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
