thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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