I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize