I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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