Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
