Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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