its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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