Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize