We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
