I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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