there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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