I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is it penis luge time yet?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
