I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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