How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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