We're facebook friends in real life
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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