A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
