So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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