actually, I'm a sock model
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
