mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
