Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
