My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Say something about gay babies.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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