I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
