So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
