my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
