I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
