my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
