I think my fart just growled at me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
