he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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