i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
