Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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