she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She even gives head with a lisp.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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