well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
