Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize