she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize