I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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