can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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