He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
