When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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