why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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