I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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