The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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