My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
