last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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