If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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