i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
