She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize