sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Green mimosas i think yes
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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