Tell her she can't have a vagina
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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