Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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