I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
