my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
