You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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