I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
