You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
