She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
