Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
