so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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