Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Your dad touched me again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
