i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
