HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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