dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
