it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
