i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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