I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
pop tarts are not kleenex
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
