It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
